Go BLEEP Yourself

It is really annoying to be startled by the BLEEP those electronic car-lock gizmos make. You’re strolling along minding your own business (looking at the peaches) when, all of a sudden, a BLEEP blares out from a nearby parked car. Your heart jumps, as if someone snuck up on you and yelped in your ear. Except when the BLEEP sounds, you look around to often see some goof ball, metres away, de-coiling after having performed a 007-ish spin around to deftly aim a door-lock zapper at their ride. If not the spin, it’s the slick over-the-shoulder shot.
The BLEEP wouldn’t be nearly as jarring if drivers triggered the lock while still by the vehicles; instincts prepare one for sudden noises when near a likely source, not so much when near inanimate objects. Must these inconsiderate clowns always lock their car doors from a distance? Could it be they’re annoyed by the BLEEP too? Or worse, is it a meek and cowardice prank played on unsuspecting pedestrians? Given the prevalence of the aforementioned spy-who-loved-me moves, it’s probably just a sad attempt at coolness.

There are better options available, like blinking lights or, the tried and true, locking doors manually. There’s no need for these irritating noise-polluting devices. There’s no reason drivers have to trigger the key-fobs from afar, except to show-off their little plaything. We already tolerate their cruising around town behind the wheel of their shiny new penises (Do women drive penises?), how about they keep the rest of their noisy toys for home.

Have a hoot, stifle the toot.